Another excellent video for youse guys. I am too busy right now to create anything original at the moment. <3
I've had a long, stressful day, and it ain't over yet, but watching this video of Stevie Wonder performing "Superstition" on Sesame Street totally made things better. (Check out the kid in the red shirt grooving like a funky mofo at the top of the stairs!)
Doggy later and a little porch time will also make things better, and a weekend away will make things better still.
I am at home feeling a little sad and sorry for myself and a lot cranky (mostly hormonal, but also situational), and I ate a mess of chili and then fell asleep for about an hour, during which I had a nightmare, in which:
1. Someone who is very important to me made fun of me and deeply hurt my feelings
2. Someone also very important to me was very sick and sure to die very soon
3. Someone broke my heart.
Wham, bam, fuck you very much.
As I sit on my porch, the light fading, sitting a story above my Somerville street, drinking my second cocktail of the night and vision hazy, not only from the settling darkness, I read my book about an ex-soldier turned Zambian banana farmer, reliving the wars in which he fought, the slaughterer of babies and women and men, who has found God and whose journey brings to light the miseries of the world, as I gaze on the morning glories I grew from seed poking up above the soil and black-eyed susan vine twirling around the porch's wrought iron railing and the nasturtiums that have yet to bloom but will and the salvia with their grey-blue furled flowers, I am filled with feeling, feeling how lucky I am. How lucky lucky lucky I am, to be in this gorgeous light and perfect evening, free to read and drink and looking forward to food that was easy to come by.
Lucky.
The gym this morning kicked my ass. Only 30 minutes of training, but it wiped me out. And she's gonna kick my ass even harder next time. I am so out of shape, but I think that will change pretty quickly, unless I have a stroke first.
I finally made it to one of Drunky's Pride Parties this year. So fun! OCD rainbow Jell-O shot parfaits, the Messy Fairy, dance party USA, a veritable bonfire (which I, Maine mountain woman, finally got going)... wheee! Said my guest, "I think this is the gayest party I've ever been to!" (and that was even before he got molested by Drunky...).
At same party, this was up on the fridge. I loled irl.
I got new glasses yesterday, finally, though I'm still not used to them and they are making me a little cross-eyed.
I have work to do today, but nothing I really really really have to get done, so I think I will now go and get a sammich. Yum.
The ooginess has passed, and I am trying to do good things for myself to keep it that way. I went to the doctor this week and got some drugs that will (hopefully) help me sleep better. I've discovered kombucha. I had acupuncture yesterday, which was strangely relaxing. Though she did almost leave a needle in my head...
(As a side note, after acupuncture, I went to Whole Foods to buy some foods for my first-farm-share-delivery-of-the-summer feast, and I was like, "Oh my god, WHO AM I?" I've lived in Camberville a little too long, perhaps.)
I'm also starting some personal training at the gym next week, which I'm hoping will kick my ass into gear. My allergies seem better, so I'm thinking I'll get on my bike more, now that my eyes aren't filled with pollen-triggered tears.
Of course, I shot all this goodness to hell by drinking a leetle too much wine last night, and so now I feel supah wetahded, but two steps forward, one step back, eh?
It feels good to do things for myself, though I can't quite shake that kernel of guilt that whispers to me and tells me I'm not worth it.
Things feel weird, my sleep is all fucked up, tomorrow is a bad anniversary, and I really really have to pee but for some reason can't make myself get up and do it.
Also, I didn't get my plants planted, because the soil out front is so shitty, I need to mix in some goodstuff before I can harbor any hopes of it propagating life. No energy today, and too rainy. Tomorrow?
Basically, I am feeling bummed and tired and oogy and restless, and I don't think there's much to be done about it. I guess just wait it out. It never lasts forever.
So far today, I have ridden my bike 10+ miles, gotten coffee at Sherman, and bought plants at Ricky's. Oh, and also cleaned out 20,000+ messages from my spam folder (with a little help -- it pays to be friends with a sysadmin).
Time to plant my plants before it rains. And then try to make an even more sizeable dent in my ridiculous to-do list.
This is boring, but my productivity has been woefully negligible lately, and I felt I needed to broadcast my achievements a little bit. Or, really, put them down as a reminder to myself that I can sometimes do more than what I fear is possible.
