The only time I go to Starbucks is when I need coffee and it is a major holiday and my local places are closed, like today. I feel a little guilty, but I suppose slipping with regard to this particular principle maybe three times a year isn't all that bad.
Their coffee isn't all that bad either, I have to admit. Though I refuse, REFUSE, to order a venti or a grande or a whatever the fuck. Large. It's a large coffee. And no, I don't want mango or pumpkin or whatever the hell. Feh.
I am a rescuer, a cool head in a crisis (which I think is remarkable, given that I am such a nervous nelly and that a parade yesterday, with its unrelenting ambulance and police and fire truck sirens, triggered my first panic attack in a long long time), the one you can count on to try to fix things. I like that I'm this way -- I like helping people, I like making sure they are cared-for and safe. When it comes to the many people I love, I worry about and care for them with a fierceness and depth that sometimes leaves me breathless. I think this is a good quality, ideally, but it can be a burden when I start feeling like Atlas. Like the sky will fall if I'm not holding it; like everything will collapse if I don't keep a watchful eye and mend and shore up and smooth over.
I haven't found balance in this quite yet, but I'm starting to understand why it's so.
Still, I will take you the ER for stitches and I will rescue your broken bike and I will help you out with bills if I have the cash, and I will be happy to do it, because I love you and because that's what Vieves do.
I feel like the last couple of weeks have been moving at breakneck pace, shuffling my life around in unpredictable ways. Although I've been the one doing most of the shuffling, it's been a little disconcerting.
I gave notice at the bookstore. It just got to the point where I had to turn down freelance work, I was so busy, and I decided I had to free up some time. It was unsustainable, and driving me bonkers, working 6+ days every week and also trying to have a social life and do laundry and pay bills and whatnot. I'm going to be subbing in there once in a while, but also trying to expand my freelance work -- trying to take on projects outside the realm of tech/medical books. I'm also planning to volunteer at a farm that runs educational programs focusing on sustainable agriculture and, more basically, educating people about where their food comes from. I think this is so important, and I'm excited about learning more myself.
I'm going to try to travel more, now that I can on a whim. Not sure where to, but I think a trip to California is in order in the next month or so.
I've also added new friends, with exciting possibilities. That is all I'll say here, but if you know me well, you've already heard about it ad nauseum.
So, scary and strange, but also exciting. I'm feeling good. I'm feeling in charge (as much as one can be in this world). I'm feeling UnStuck. I'm feeling pretty awesome, but also realistic.
It's a strange sort of balance. I'm not used to it. And the ease makes me a little uneasy, which of course is perverse, but as I've discovered, that's life.
It turns out that I don't hate dried figs. Something about the crunchy little seeds redeems the texture for me, and they're not hyper-sweet. I can now add this to my very small list of Dried Fruits I Do Not Hate, which also includes banana chips and possibly unsweetened/unsulphured mangoes.
Now if only I could find an olive I don't hate... For some reason, it really bothers me that I don't like olives. I try them every once in a while to see whether my palate has changed, but no luck so far.
I am exhausted, even after 12 hours of sleep on Saturday night (and Sunday morning, and Sunday afternoon) because I had to go ahead and ruin my sleep catch-up with work until late and then work again early this morning and all day. BUT, I managed to finish my project in time, which is a mighty triumph -- I thought for sure I was fuuuuuuucked. I really don't know how I do it. It's a little amazing.
I am hungry because I have been too busy to eat all day. Bad Vieve.
I am also happy because I bought some amazing gifts for friends today, one for an Event and one Just Because. I love doing that.
There are other things to be happy about, but they are a little tenuous, so I can't talk about them here. Maybe later.
Oh, also I am happy because I just got a chicken quesadilla and chips and guacamole from Anna's, which I am going to eat soon, afer I finish this delicious beer. And then I am going to pass out, because it is almost an appropriate time to do so. Delicious food, delicious sleep.
Oh, and tomorrow I am going to see the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie, and it is going to dumb and awesome.
Oh! And also it was gorgeous out today, and tomorrow is also going to be gorgeous.
The End.
We must talk about relieving ourselves and washing our hands and spending a penny, because if we actually just said "I am now going off to take a crap" the whole world would fall apart.
Made A Plan for getting unstuck
Looked at plane tickets for zee Bay Area for late May (we'll see)
Bought a farm share
Happily wore my flip-flops
Did some good work
Chatted with friends
Thought about how the recent vacuum of feeling and dreaming and excitement might be filling up quite nicely
Thanked those who helped make that happen (thank you)
Ate a delicious sandwich with extremely delicious avocado
Felt giddy for the first time in ages
Got a cryptic text message: "we trust in you to set them free exactly as they were"
Worked on setting myself free first; them will have to wait a bit