I always find it incredible (and incredibly annoying) when I can fall asleep on the couch with no trouble, but then when I go to bed, I lay there for over two hours very much awake.
While I was awake and undistracted, I did some good thinking. Really, I had a conversation in my head that I haven't been able to have out loud, and I realized why, and both things shed light on why I've been behaving a particular way. I didn't want to be That Girl who always needs to have a Talk, and instead I became That Other Girl who blubbers and accuses in a very incomprehensible and messy way and becomes an incredible pain in the ass. Also, facing some truths and particular feelings makes me face my part in it, my anger at myself, and disappointment. I wasn't taking care of myself for a long time, and that's my #1 job, and I failed pretty miserably. But I also realized that both of us were just trying to muddle through the best we could. Still angry, but not so messily accusatory.
Anyway, the conversation went very well in my head (though was pretty one-sided), but I think it'll have to stay there for a while, or maybe forever. I'm not sure yet which is best.
I think it's time to stop thinking now.
Posted by thevieve at August 5, 2008 9:51 AMI'm totally with you on the couch vs. bed phenomenon. I don't get it either, but it always happens to me. I find vodka helps, but I'm not sure if the side effects are better or worse than Lunesta. :)