I've been feeling a little empty lately. Unsatisfied. Bored and frustrated.
Nothing is bad. Things are rolling along fairly nicely -- I have steady work (an amazing accomplishment that I am very proud of), I have friends. I don't have any money at the moment, which worries me, but some should be arriving soon. So what's the problem?
I realized recently that, for the past 10 years or so, I've been in constant crisis. Crumbling relationships, struggling to finish school, bad living situations, illness, feeling trapped in stressful and unrewarding jobs.
But right now... no crises. Struggle and disappointments, sadness, embarrassments, big questions, yes. But there's no single point of focus, or, rather, obsession. And so I feel a little empty. A little bored. I find myself asking, "Well, now what?"
It's better this way, but a little uncomfortable and strange. And I realize I need to be careful not to manufacture any crises just because I'm looking for something to fill that void, that groove that's been worked into my soul. I need a goal, I need a plan, I need a big dream. I need something.
And I can create that something. Whatever it may be. I hope I find it soon.
Posted by thevieve at November 15, 2006 8:56 AM