The One... The Only... The Vieve

Lies I told myself

I've been having some very intense, open conversations with people lately. This is something I had never been able to do successfully, at least before this year. I would try. I would rehearse. I would obsess. And then the words would stick in my throat. They would retreat back into my head. I would feel like a failure. Emotionally mute. And I thought it would always be that way. I thought that's just how I was. But I was wrong.

I've told myself a lot of lies in my life. The stories we can create about ourselves, the self-deception, is so powerful. It's so easy to get stuck in that loop, that self-fulfilling prophecy of the limitations of our potential, our personalities, our essential nature.

I told myself I was just no good at talking. No good at truth.

I told myself I was shy. I told myself I was introverted, bordering on anti-social.

I told myself I was a "big girl," lumpy and fat.

I told myself I was plain.

I told myself I was not very creative.

I told myself I couldn't manage my life, that I needed someone to do it for me.

I told myself that I was stuck, that I couldn't change my mind, that I couldn't change anything.

I told myself I was less than, and would never be more.

Sometimes I still tell myself these things, but at least now I know what a liar I am, and I can brush them away gently, like I would a coating of dust on a neglected book.

Posted by thevieve at October 18, 2006 11:11 AM