I got my first freelance check in the mail yesterday. Not enough to really live on, but enough to get me through the next couple of weeks and enough to pay rent.
I took a Tylenol PM last night, which ensured I got a good amount of decent sleep. But now I am spacey and groggy, and today is shot to hell, productivity-wise. Curling up someplace warm and finding food are the only goals I can focus on for the moment.
I woke up this morning with a lovely feeling of lightness and happiness. That exciting-happy feeling you get and that lingers, glowing, when something really positive has happened. I tried to figure out the source, though (a dream? deep sleep?), and then I lost it.
For the most part I've been feeling happy and busy lately. Exhausted, yes, but engaged and more comfortable in my skin. However, these strangely violent fantasties keep cropping up, where I imagine someone -- stranger or acquaintance -- doing something so egregious, I am fully justified in screaming at them and/or slapping them in the face, hard. I'm not really sure where that anger is coming from. I guess I should think about that more, and figure out a way to face and defuse it.
I'm finding new balance with some of my relationships, a new emotional comfort. But I find myself craving touch. Comfortable physicality. Hugs and pats and hand-holding. Cuddles and the softness of someone nestling against me, melting and warm.
Posted by thevieve at October 1, 2006 12:02 PM