The One... The Only... The Vieve

Vieve 2.0

I've been reading past entries lately, going back to almost exactly a year ago when I started writing again. I wrote about how I didn't know what I wanted, how my desires and dreams felt snuffed out. I had been denying them for so long, I forgot what they were. What a terrible thing. It made me feel dead inside, and I was scared of everything. I guess it was partly forgetting and partly fear -- if I knew what I wanted, I would feel obligated to try to get it, and I didn't have any confidence that I would be able to achieve it. Failure seemed certain. I wasn't strong enough or good enough or worthy enough.

I'm amazed how far I've come in a year. I feel powerful, and free, and unafraid. I'm honest about what I want, and I try my best to get it. I worry less about what I "should" want or "should" get. What does that even mean, anyway, and who the hell defines those shoulds, and, maybe more importantly, why do I let them?

So I'm finally doing things to make me happy. I gave notice at work yesterday. I'm riding my bike and facing my fears about crazy Boston traffic. I'm exploring all sorts of things about myself and my relationships with other people. I'm planning to make a big move soon. I don't know how it's going to end up, but it's going to be pretty damn exciting finding out.