I'm turning 31 soon, which seems like a big number to me. It sounds kind of, well, old. Mature. Grown up. I don't really feel that way, though. Sometimes that's a not-so-good feeling: I wonder why I'm not more settled, why I have 3 roommates instead of my own house, why I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, why I'm not where I thought I would be by this ripe old age. (What that "where" is, I'm not quite sure. Just that it was different in my 21-year-old imagination.)
But usually it's kind of glorious and fun. I get carded at the liquor store and at bars (and sometimes they do a little double-take when they see the 1975 there on my license; one time last summer, the bartender almost turned me away because she looked at it quickly and thought it must have read 1985). I have a pretty carefree life, comparatively -- I can stay out late, or sit on my porch for hours reading, or eat popcorn for dinner, without worrying about what kind of example I'm setting or being pulled away by someone else's need for my time and energy. 14-year-olds check out my ass (hee). I'm not stuck -- in a rut, in a career path, in a shitty marriage.
I don't want to get old, and I don't think I ever will. Even if I eventually have that mortgage, that husband, those kids, I don't ever want to be stuck or beaten down by life or soured by existence. I want to wear pigtails, and keep makeup-y gook off my face so you can see my freckles, and wear fairy wings when I go to the circus, and go to Six Flags and scream on the rollercoaster, and have sudden cravings for chicken fingers and ice cream and just grab a friend and go, and dance until 2AM, and run through sprinklers, and play skeeball, and never ever wear pantyhose or a suit. Live with joy, and mistakes, and ridiculous situations, and spontaneous adventures, and gut-busting laughter, and wriggly victory dances.
I'm not old, and I'm old enough to know that. But boy, am I going to embarrass my hypothetical future kids some day.
Posted by thevieve at July 11, 2006 10:24 AMI remember when we wore fairy wings to the circus. Fairy wings just make you feel incredibly carefree. There is just something about them...gauze, wire, glitter and elastic bands. So simple. The four ingredients to feeling like you are five years old and have not a care in the world. Strap 'em on and you're golden.
Posted by: Emily on July 11, 2006 7:24 PM