I've been thinking about my wayward bike this week. Besides the fact that getting something stolen sucks, regardless, especially something that's expensive to replace, I've been thinking about why it upset me so much. Riding my bike around the city is something that I've been wanting to do for a while now. It scares the bejeezus out of me, even thinking about it. All those cars whooshing past me, obviously ready (and eager) to run me down the second I slip up, make some newbie biking mistake. It feels incredibly risky and scary, and that's partly why I wanted to do it. To prove to myself that I could face a fear like that, and overcome it. So biking was something bigger than fun exercise and a better, non-gas-guzzling mode of transportation. It was a way to prove something to myself. To overcome a fear. To succeed at something. And now the mechanism for that triumph has been taken away from me, damnit.
I did manage to go on one bike ride, though, a really fantastic one. I rode a little bit on the street, and over 20 miles on the bike path. I went with someone important to me, and I think it might have been the last time we felt so easy and natural together. (Well, I did, anyway.) It was exhilerating and joyous, and I felt a sense of triumph and calm, something I don't feel very often. It's a great memory. So I guess I did prove something to myself already. I can do it. My bike disappearing didn't make that disappear.
I've been thinking about another symbol today. Something cah-razy. Not really crazy, but something my mother would be very upset with (sorry, Mom). And I'll have to take my pants off for it. And that's all I'm gonna say.
Posted by thevieve at May 19, 2006 8:48 AM