The One... The Only... The Vieve

Puppies and unicorns

In the past when I've felt down and depressed and torn up inside, I've gotten "advice" along the lines of, "Cheer up! Life is beautiful! It's all in the way you look at things!" (Thankfully not recently, because I'd give you a verbal bitchslap that would send you reeling into next week.) This kind of simplistic nonsense bugs the shit out of me, honestly. Life is more nuanced than that. "Let a smile be your umbrella" is something you tell to a three-year-old, not a grown-ass woman who knows better.

Sometimes bad stuff is just...bad. There's no bright or good side to it. It can be instructive, which is good in its own way, but it's a struggle-filled, in-the-long-term kind of good.

In my mind, the trick is being able to hold the fullness of life, the good and the bad and the in-between, all at the same time. This is ridiculously difficult, and I'm only just starting to get the hang of it. Bad feelings are unpleasant, but you can't just sweep them under the rug. You have to feel them, and if that means wallowing for a couple of weeks, then that's that. Feel what you need to feel. Scream at whomever you need to scream. But try to accept the kindnesses and small triumphs that also happen when you're feeling lousy. Putting blinders on, to keep out either extreme, isn't going to get you anywhere good.

It's hard to see the shiny goodness when you're wading through shit, and it's unfair to criticize someone for only seeing the shit. The key is to keep wading, I think, and try to hold onto the belief that you'll eventually get out of it.

Posted by thevieve at May 3, 2006 11:22 AM