But it is. And I can't keep ripping off the scab. It's a bloody mess. Drastic measures. Clean(ish) breaks. Exactly the opposite of what I want. But my heart is so shattered. It won't heal if I keep smashing it with a hammer. Exacty the opposite of what I want, but it's clear that what I want isn't reciprocated. Or isn't possible. Or wasn't important enough to work for. Same difference.
I'll probably change my mind tomorrow, and then change it again, and again. I know myself. But I need to at least try to look out for me and figure out what's best. No one else will.
I guess I'm being petulant. That doesn't feel good. I feel cold and hard. A little like stone. I don't like it, but I can't keep feeling wholely composed of hot salty tears and pounding heart and swimming head. Freeze it, block it. At least for a little while, until I can forget a little bit.
I'm sorry. I hate this. I'm starting to melt and change my mind already.
Posted by thevieve at April 28, 2006 9:14 AM