I woke up this morning, and I wonder if I'm done with grieving for the moment. I'm less sad and self-pitying right now than...I don't know. Kinda pissed. Confused. In that "What the FUCK is your problem and why is it mine too?" stage.
Because I'm realizing I didn't do anything wrong. Or at least I didn't repeat the same mistakes. I was myself, utterly--my effusive, romantic, goofy, anxious, fixated, depressed, sexy, caring, smartass, grumpy, intelligent, sweet-as-pie, freaked out, elated, uncertain, so-many-other-things self. I didn't pretend to be someone I wasn't in order to keep things going smoothly. I spoke up and spoke my mind. I wasn't a doormat. I wasn't all passive-agressive (usually). I didn't push things too far or too fast. I didn't convince mysef that things were perfect, and then refuse to acknowledge when they weren't. I didn't blame myself for every little problem. I listened to myself and acted on my feelings. Basically, I was a grownup. I wasn't perfect, but I was a fucking grownup. Finally.
Posted by thevieve at April 24, 2006 9:07 AM