This week I decided to start running for real. Meaning on the treadmill at the gym instead of on the zero-impact elliptical machine. I expected there would be a big difference, and that it would be much harder, and holy god, I was right. I've been trying to take it a little slowly -- walking for a few minutes, slow jog for a while, running for a bit, slow down for a bit, and so on, for about 30 minutes -- because I don't want to hurt myself or burn out in two weeks. But it's not so much in my nature to take on challenges like this slowly. I push push push, go go go. I tend to not have much patience with myself; sometimes I don't have much patience with others, either. I expect a lot, and on my terms, and not everything or everyone complies, goddamnit.
But I'm trying. I'm trying to find that balance between pushing things so hard that they break and the other extreme of being so utterly passive that I don't accomplish anything or get any of my needs met. It can be a thin line, a precarious place. I think it is for everyone. And I'm going to miss my footing and fall over to one side or the other constantly, just like everyone else does. But I'd like to be able to hit the mark a little more often, even if I'm flailing and wobbling like a drunk with vertigo.
So running is a way to practice this, I think. And it does feel good to run. I feel light, graceful, powerful. I feel like I'm doing something difficult, something I never thought I would be able to do, and so I feel...triumphant. Yeah, triumphant. Even though my hips hurt and my calves hurt and I had a weird muscle spasm in my right tuchus this morning, I did it, and I'll keep doing it, and I am victorious.
Posted by thevieve at November 23, 2005 9:59 AMDude, running on the treadmill is HARD. Running in general is pretty rough. When I was a ballerina, running was a major no no, because of the impact factor, so I've always been a zero-impact cardio machine girl. But sometimes I get into a running phase. However, I must run outside. The fresh air, the scenery, and most importantly, getting from point A to point B and back again. There is something so triumphant and satisfying about running the distance outside, I just can't seem to get that sense of accomplishment on a treadmill. If you ever want to go for a run outside, I'd love to go with you!
Posted by: Emily on November 26, 2005 6:44 AM