I'm generally a go-with-the-flow kind of person. Which can be a good thing in a lot of instances. Some things are a waste of energy to try to fight against, or control, or shape, or make bend to your needs and will.
But there are things you need to choose, or at least try your very best to choose. Your job, your friends, your lovers, your home. For most of my life, I've just fallen into things, gone with what's easiest. If someone likes me, I try to like or even love them back, without seriously considering whether that particular person is worth my time and effort. I'm just grateful that someone wants me and I see it as a favor to me, and try to return that favor. Which is its own choice.
Really, though, this route takes more energy in the long run, and is doomed to fail. And failure is difficult, and takes so much time and effort to bounce back from.
That's been a pattern in my life: being chosen, trying to choose back, failure, loss, rebuilding...and then the same cycle all over again. I think it's been about avoiding risk, which it does initially, but it's simply sidestepping risk and postponing it. And it doesn't work--not for me, not for anyone. And it's something I don't want to do anymore, ever.
Posted by thevieve at August 19, 2005 11:15 AM