She was in a house, which she knew was her house, and yet it wasn't familiar at all. That strange kind of befuddled, mutually exclusive opposition that seems to make sense only in dreams.
She walked around, exploring the hallways, wondering why things felt so strange. It was exciting to be in this new-yet-not-new place, but unsettling. She walked up the narrow staircase, pressing her hands against the walls as she climbed. At the top, she peeked around the corner. A hallway, also narrow, was in front of her. It seemed natural to follow it, since she was curious where it went, and for a moment she imagined herself as Alice following the White Rabbit and tumbling down the rabbit hole. A bit dizzy from picturing the blue dress and spotless white pinafore and blonde hair swirling in freefall, she pressed her palms against the walls again, to steady herself as she walked.
The hallway turned sharply to the left, and then opened up into a light-filled room with high ceilings and two large windows along the right wall. It felt snug yet roomy, and seemed to be a bedroom. A bit dusty, but the blue quilt on the narrow bed was clean and unwrinkled, the rocking chair was placed just so, the curtains looked a bit threadbare in places but hardly shabby.
She sat on the bed and smiled. What an exciting discovery! Such a lovely room in her house, and for all this time she had no idea it existed. As her eyes traveled around the room, she suddenly noticed a doorway in the opposite corner. She couldn't see into it from where she was sitting, so she got up, walked over, and poked her head into what turned out to be a closet. A large cardboard box as tall as she was took up most of the width, but there was enough space between the wall and the box for her to squeeze through. Which, for some reason, she felt she had to do, even though she was quite happy to sit in the cozy room she had just discovered--the closet seemed quite deep, and she knew there must be something else back there.
She turned sideways and struggled through the cramped opening. It was dark and, once she got past the box, she stuck out her hands and felt along the walls. The closet stretched back a few more feet, and then ended abruptly. A lump of disappointment dropped into her stomach. She was so sure, somehow, that she would make another discovery if she explored the closet. She turned to the right, shuffling her feet and softly pressing the wall as she moved, until suddenly her hands met with no resistance and she lurched forward. Fear zipped through her arms like jolts of electricity, and again an image of Alice tumbling tumbling tumbling flashed in her mind. But she didn't fall far at all, and her hands found a firm, horizontal surface. She stayed like that for a few minutes, motionless, hunched over, taking deep breaths and feeling her heart ramming against her ribs. Her eyes had adjusted a bit to the darkness, and she could see that there was a staircase in front of her, and so she straightened up and carefully placed her feet on the first step, then up to the next, and then the next.
It grew lighter with each step, and she emerged into another room through a hatch in the floor. Another new room in her house! And she was still sure that it was her house, though it did seem strange that she had never been in these rooms before. This was an attic space, also filled with light, which poured in through skylights set into the slanted roof. Another bedroom, though much larger than the cozy space downstairs. Pinpricks of dust floated through the air, illuminated by the streaming sunlight. Even though the roof was slanted, she could see, as she climbed up onto the floor, that she could stand quite comfortably under the eaves. The dust brushed against her bare arms as she moved toward the bed, but the air didn't taste like stale attic air, and the dust didn't feel quite like dust, either, but more like tiny warm feathers fluttering on her skin.
She sat on the bed and luxuriated in this feeling of domestic discovery, which felt so new and strange yet comfortable at the same time. Like discovering something that was once familiar but lost long ago.
The warmth of the room made her feel drowsy, and so she took off her shoes and laid down across the bed. As she slipped into sleep, she dreamt of more and more rooms, more staircases, more hallways, more hidden spaces that had been there all along but cleverly hidden from view. Or maybe she had just not bothered to look before then. In her dream she wondered how many more she would find, and if they would still be there when she woke up.
Posted by thevieve at August 18, 2005 10:18 AM