I've been wondering lately how people make friends. I know people who can do it incredibly easily--it seems like they simply snap their fingers and people flock to them. And I just don't get it. Do they simply have an inherent magnetism that draws people like iron filings? Do they have a critical social skill that I never learned?
I don't mean this to be self-pitying. I'm genuinely curious. I know I have things working against me in this department: I'm shy and introverted, I don't have any intense hobbies, I can really put my foot in my mouth sometimes, I'm cautious. I am a good friend, once people get to know me, I know that, but that's the catch, isn't it? People need to get to know me first, and I don't have that charisma, that eye-catching quality that makes them snap to attention when I'm in the room.
I don't know what to do about this. I have a feeling there isn't anything I can do about it, and that it will be a puzzle and a problem for a long, long time.
Posted by thevieve at August 6, 2005 12:46 PMUltimately no matter what your format is for bringing people into your camp, it's your level of definition on friendship itself that defines how you get to a point where heads become your friends.
On the one end of the spectrum there are people who have a plethora of weak ties. Friendship isn't as close a comradre as it is a matter of association by some trip on proximity (i.e. know lots of heads == having lots of friends).
At the deep in are those who keep things on the mutually exclusive. Small camp. Close bonds. Vibe on the same wavelength. Same format. Near family type experience. It's impossible to have alot of these associations since you have to nurture each independently.
Think about what making friends means to you. Is it people you can simply roll with our cool out with and there isn't a level of necessarily puttin' in work to strengthen the tie (re: frienship assocation through that proximity); or, are you looking for something more exlcusive, deep, and meaningful? (i.e. they are puttin' in as much as you are).
At the very least, we all have a definition of friendship that we are comfortable with. Once we're solid with that, it becomes easier to make friends (because you can also make friends based on "others level of friendship"). Convoluted fo sho. Difficult? Depends on how you want to play it.
Let's rap about this in person sometime in person, Vieve. It's something I've spent some cycles thinking on deeply in the past few months forreal. Be easy.
Posted by: Clarence on August 6, 2005 9:54 PM