It's been a frustrating year so far. So many struggles only half won (or lost, but I'm an optimist at heart, I suppose). I am jobless for the first time in many years, and that state seems to be the nexus of my current nonsense. I fill my days by searching job sites, occasionally sending out resumes, infrequently going to interviews, sweating at the gym, cleaning, beading, and other distractions. Mostly though, I feel bored and oddly useless. Interviews are awkward, money is dwindling alarmingly, and I am so, so tired. I should go back to bed now, really, but so many worries haunt me. Pinpricks of niggling neural impulses keep me from sleep.
Current thoughts include: What does it mean when you try your best, and you still fail? Do you blame yourself for not being good enough? Or chalk it up to happenstance, bad timing, the Man, or some other amorphous, exterior force? I lean towards the former, but I do not recommend you do the same. It is a vicious cycle.
Posted by thevieve at June 29, 2002 9:54 AM