As usual, it's been quite a while since my last post. I really don't understand how people can write every day. I mean, I expend a lot of psychic energy when I write these things, and I need a reasonable amount of time to regather my forces.
So, lots of things have happened in the past few weeks. Job stuff, mostly, but those relatively banal changes have affected many other aspects of my life. Like little ripples in the pond radiating outwards, or something like that.
After job searching for over 6 months, I finally decided to suck it up and do some temping. I hated the idea-- I guess partly because it was like admitting defeat, and also because there were too many unknowns associated with it. Despite my misgivings, I knew I had to do SOMEthing. (And make some money too. Kwami has been very generous with his support, financial and otherwise, but things have been tight and I've felt guilty about not contributing.) So I signed up with the agency that supplies temps for Harvard University. I figured this would be the best way to go-- my assignments would be close to home, and they would probably be fairly interesting, even if I was just stuffing envelopes and filing all day. I met with them a few Thursdays ago, took some computer tests (100% on the MS Access test- rock!), filled out lots of forms... the usual. The next day, I had my first assignment-- 3 weeks of reception work at the Center for Wellness, starting that Monday.
Now, first, I must say that I had not worked outside of my apartment(s) for about 2 1/2 years, and I hadn't started a new job in about 5 1/2 years. So, I was very, very, very nervous about all of this impending newness. That Sunday evening, after finally falling asleep for an hour (no sleep the previous night because of the excellent party in Charlestown), I woke up from my snooze with a full-blown panic attack. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think straight, I couldn't calm down. All I could do was cry and whimper and hyperventilate and try to supress the whirling, screeching thoughts in my head. It was horrible. Finally, Kwami came back from his F1 Boston racing adventures and we talked. And I felt a bit better. (Funny how that works...) I was still nervous about the changes that were about to happen-- not just working in a strange office, but also the drastic reduction in the time I would have to go to the gym, do household chores, and all of the other things I need to do for myself-- but at least I felt like I could (probably) face it.
And so I faced it, and everything was fine. I had a lot to learn, and I was nervous about screwing up, but after a couple of days I got the hang of things. I got to interact with a bunch of really nice people and, more importantly, I had the chance to remind myself how kickass I am. And now for a twist in this job-related tale...
That Monday, the first day of my temp assignment, O'Reilly and Associates called to offer me some freelance work. I had interviewed with them for an Assistant Production Editor position earlier in the summer, but I didn't get it, obviously. The Production Manager mentioned at the time that they might have some freelance work coming up, so I told her to please keep me in mind, but I wasn't very optimistic. Well, it turns out she wasn't just yanking my chain. Which presented a new problem: I had to wriggle out of this temp assignment early somehow...
It turned out that this was not a big problem. So, Friday was my last day at Harvard, and I started at O'Reilly yesterday morning. I'm learning Framemaker, some basic Unix commands, and brushing up on my proofreading marks so I can enter edits into the system. So far, it's great! I love this kind of work, even if it isn't the most scintillating stuff in the world. All the details and checking and re-checking commas and such... It all thrills me, for some reason. Plus, the pay is very good, the hours are flexible, and the company is pretty damn cool. And they might be hiring again soon, in which case I will have a very good shot at it since they have a policy of hiring from within.
So, to sum it all up... YAY ME! My grumpy slump has finally ended, and I feel like myself again. That's not entirely accurate, really... I feel... better than myself. Or a more, oh, actualized version of myself. I have more clarity and peace, I suppose. And I have a better appreciation of what I have and who I am. The past 6 months or so have been a good reminder that you'll eventually wind up in the right place, even if the path there (and often the destination itself) isn't what you planned. Sometimes that's difficult to see, especially when you're experiencing heartache or frustration. But everything has a purpose, and you'll be able to see it clearly when the time is right.
And the journey continues...
Posted by thevieve at August 20, 2002 6:39 PM